My Only Solace

  "Perhaps my only solace is to look at you from a far ..." ~~~~~~~~Beautiful Dreamer🥀🎕💮    

There you are. Once again. You cannot say that you miss me. And as you have told me many times before, I am asinine, and I keep showing you this nature. Besmirched? Perhaps. 

Someone is in a chipper mood 😄 At least one of us is. Everywhere the darkness is calling you, alluring. You will make it up to him somehow. Somehow. You think that perhaps the distance may save you, that from your high horse you are protected. And perhaps you are. These days your heart doesn't break that easily. I think you are getting the hang of it. It used to bleed, from the slightest cut, smallest bruise, and it would flow like a river, and in the midst of that flood, you would be carried away. These days it is cold, there is a dampness around it, the covering is hard, like stone. They forced you to harden your heart. It was not your intention. When your blessedness appears, will you be ready? 

You. You there. There are markings on your chest, and on your arms. On your chest sits a great one, left side, where your heart is. The lines are asymmetrical, and they portray a powerful bird with wings flapping on either side. It is black. A raven. I do not know why you chose it, and perhaps I never will. The one on your left arm is abstract. I can only make out lines crossing each other, but perhaps it means something to you. It is beautiful either way. Now the one one the right is the Heartstopper. Why the colour blue ? To complement the black ink? Does it remind you of your lover? Of the smile? 

At first glance it looks like a normal circle, no corners, no straight lines. But the circle looks to be dripping, bleeding, the essence seems to be dropping, a drop at a time. Inside the circle there is a heart drawn, and I can see the crevices, and highs and lows in my head. I can see the tear in the middle, and the tendons between the two halves, trying their hard to hold the two together, and whatever  is coming from the heart is drawn using the colour blue. Maybe this one I can understand... But I remain content with my only solace, looking at it from a far. 

You said you were easy, and I discovered that you weren't easy with me. You and I both know that you cannot immerse yourself in this world. It won't work. You called yourself Emo, another one of your mysteries. Much as I tried decoding you, I never could get to the bottom of.....well....anything. Did they lie when they said absence makes the heart grow fonder? Was it folly to believe them? Surprise surprise. I did. Now I can only look at you from a far, for that is my only solace.

A murder of crows is calling. You see them in the air, flapping their wings, and it makes you remember a certain tattoo on your chest. You touch it, feel it. And it reminds you of him. And you smile, he will never know the truth. You too, will look only from a far, hoping that Fortune will smile upon you and that She will grant your unspoken desires. You cannot dare express your discontent. You are afraid of hurting what is already hurt. Just like (him) only conversely, that is your only solace.💙

As will always be a pleasure;

A.S.