Idol

 " I hear it is said that we should not worship idols. But I still want to be yours. Just like he has his. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Beautiful Dreamer🎕💮🥀

"He is my idol" 

There you go again. Making me question my thinking, making me question my naivety.  Let us take a moment to appreciate those of us who are naïve. Let's laugh together, if you will find it funny. I could have never even imagined, wait, I certainly could have. But I did not want to. I was deluded yet again. We were deluded yet again Little soul. Neither of us has a monopoly on delusions. 

You, just like him and I, thought that this was the beginning of a new dispensation. That there was no need for us to talk in camera. Oooh, how wrong we were. You feel the tendons slowly snapping. That red liquid seeping slowly from you, taking with it all your feelings of want and need and affection and lust and hate. No sorry. The hate is still there.

You see fire. 

"I want to be an idol, YOUR idol" 

Let it all burn in flames. 

You see that beautiful yellow with a touch of red. It looks so inviting. It is a beautiful sight. At this moment your eyes have never seen something so delicate yet so powerful. It is a dance. And you heard that we were all invited to the Dance. But you're the only one there. You decide to follow the sensual Dance of those flames, you are mimicking them. Your body moves and it ceases to be yours. You are consumed, just like we all wanted. The only thing you want is to throw yourself into them. The flames. Burn with them. Dance with them... Then pick the shell of yourself and walk away. The both of you. Never to be put asunder. 

"He is my idol" -  Idols will burn in hell. As much as I know you want to tell me that heaven and hell are a construct, that they neither exist above nor below, spare me the conjecture. Anyway, if it is to burn, then we shall all burn together. Your idol, for being an idol, and us, for being the usual sinners that we are. How I prayed to heaven for God my soul to keep, but alas! We shall all burn together. 

Have you laughed the way I want you to laugh? At the Both of us? My Little Soul and I? No? 😅Well you are definitely missing out. My laughter is a mask of emotions. I hide it well don't I? Someone also lied to us that we were good actors, but we know better. Liar liar pants on fire! You also lied didn't you? I guess this hell is looking more probable for you huh? Or you thought liars were exempted? Your religious teacher must not have done a good job. Pity. 

To miss adventure. Cheers 🍷, That fickle bitch! 

You're not the adventurous type. Anyway, you rest your head on your pillow. It is raining outside. All rain and no cuddles. You call him out. You know he won't respond but you do it anyway... He doesn't respond. You close your eyes waiting for the pain to go away. It only reminds you of the miles you have come. You are about to give up now? Nooo. I highly doubt it. You pull the covers over your head and now since the rain has stopped, you play relaxing sounds of rain from your phone to lull you to sleep. You dream of being an idol. That even without your presence, they will call you their idol. Not to be worshipped or anything, but you get it right? 

2224. You have memorized these numbers, and even though you feel betrayed, you know it is okay. You swallow your pride (along with your saliva) and you pray. He (a different one) told us that everyone prays in the end. So you whisper asking for relief, asking for reprieve, even if it is just a little. A little only for this moment to pass. And that is how you fall asleep. 

As will always be a pleasure,

A.S.