Your Flowers

 "You would have warned me little one, that this is what I was going to get...🎕🥀💮~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Beautiful Dreamer. 

Thank you for attending this meeting. I have gathered you all here, so that you can meet each other, interact, telling each other of the pieces of me you all took. You are the (YOU) that will be referred to. And you, dear reader, since you have also chosen to be part of this dying circus, you will also be addressed. Alors, on y va (that's French for Let's Go!)

And with any good ending, you have to acknowledge the end, the finish, before appreciating the journey. So we start with you. My last. I was there when you needed me, stranded in the hills. You called me. You sent me your pin location, and I believed you. You said you wished I was there with you, that you were scared. And at the time I asked myself whether that was the new con in town, and whether  I was the next one to learn; the hard way. I guess I did in fact learn, even after you promised me that it wasn't. I pity anyone who will learn after  me. Pause. 

Let's go down memory lane, shall we?

So this is not just for you, my latest predator, but to all of you. All of whom I loved, or better, would've loved. The glass is full now, I have  had my fill. I do not want to drink from the spring again. I am tired. Looking back, you have made me go through it all. Perhaps you were a VIP and not a nerd in The First, and you may have even been like me, and pleaded your Fifth Amendment Right. I may have told you, My Little Soul, that you would never be cold, I retract my statement. You can always be colder. I went ahead and reminded them about Familiarity, that they should never feel foreign, and I told them to hold and kiss me like they had done it a thousand times before; with the Familiarity of A Thousand Laughs. 

Here, sip some worra. 

I became a sage. I started spitting wisdom, and told you all that your hearts always speaks, that it whispers and most of the time we ne'er listen. We also sat down and brought you Some Typa Way, not bad, certainly not good either. And we may have figured out the secret behind all that pain, it was because you didn't Look Into the Eyes. We also asked you Not to Forget Us, but I am sure you did. As did I. The last time we talked all grey was when we Let Them Dance; either the words, the feelings or even the people themselves. By the time we started giving Blue Roses, it had become serious, and the purpose of The First ne'er stopped being a shadow. 

Here, sip some more...

Oooh I remember Pity, a pity to me, to you and specifically to him. I remember him seated against the wall hugging his legs, and his face looking at the floor. The look was just that, simple, and he was balancing tears. Now you Little Soul shed a tear, but you're an angel. A beautiful one. Afterwards we reminded ourselves of The Only Solace, and how we wanted to Paint the world Grey. And last but not least, to you who didn't know what you were doing, when you told me that he was Your Idol. Funny how a year's worth of experience can be crammed into two paragraphs. Well that was it. 

This is now where you fit, my last. End of pause. 

You see I find it funny that it was you who would finish the year... It is no use hoping, it is no use wanting, no use even trying. 😅 We haven't even tried tears, that only works for some time. You are not the first. I have been down this road before, they taught me different lessons throughout, but ne'er did I think I would add you to the list, not that I recall the numbers anyway.

What do you do really, when the realization hits you right in the face, that you never Mattered to them as much as you thought you did? No, keep the answer to yourself. Perhaps the next message I'll be writing is Merry Christmas, asking myself what it took to finally move on. You knew I was watching you, Little Soul, as we(you and I) flipped the pages of this new book. Now here we are, telling him how we're always the object of a queer, sort of respectful Pity. Ever forgiving, ever affable. I found this mantra online, and we'll repeat it together. For your sanity and mine too. 

Damn it all to hell, where you all and I, can go riding on a tissue paper! My last, there is no method to this madness as I have been preaching to my Little Soul, I will not tend to my honour, as you too will not. They stripped me, they judged me, and they found me wanting a reprieve. I look at the stars tonight, doubting that they are indeed fire. Fire that would have burned for you all, but life is for the living, It is not a rehearsal, that one can just stop and start again, perfectly. If there is one thing that you all deserve, it is Your Flowers. And as self- centered as I am, I will give you all your dues. 

Now a gentle, electric tune plays, like the one that played in the beginning, and we are left alone, My Soul and I, dancing in the rain like woodland fairies. You all dropped the ball, and shit the bed too. I see the way you look at me, like a lost cause. You think I am way too gone for redemption. I don't want your pity. So as my only parting gift/ shot, here are your flowers, all too familiar. I am done. 

Take Your Flowers.

I will give you your Daisies, the day's eye, Someone sees you. Just not me. Have some Columbines, for the efforts you wasted on Flattery. Here, some Rosemary, for your remembrance of me. You will remember me, but I will not. Importantly, have some Pansies, for the stupid little thoughts you had, and those you will continue to have. I hope they're enough to drown you in Fantasy. And most importantly, my all time favourite, Rue, for all the regrets you will have, if you don't already. Much besmirched, for this is my story, I take full responsibility, Tis me, I'm the problem. Tis me. 

PS- Dear reader, you might get confused about the (You) in reference at different times, but you're smart, if you know the story from the beginning, then you're probably poised to understand. I trust you, Go Little Rockstar! 💪💗

It has been a pleasure,

A.S.