Finis Initium

A Time To Kill Is Nigh...

good afternoon Gents and Disappointments. 

Light is dark. Dark is still dark. Even in the soul. When everything breaks, it breaks all at once, leaving nothing to chance. Maybe this was my thirteenth reason, but for you Asari, it may have been your umptieth. 

This is not what it was supposed to be, it was to be a tribute, the last I would write; but fates have it that it should be this way. I see fire, burning inside of me. And if the world is to be on fire, I should burn alone. What do they say? Those who do, about people carrying their own crosses, just like jesus. That you should carry your own cross till the end, I guess this is me carrying mine. 

Your coming to me be hastened, and my going away from you even more so. You know when you're just tired of living a fallacy, and when it dawns on you that it doesn't have any meaning, your eyes are finally opened. 

I wonder what it'll feel like. To drift away, while knowing that you're drifting. And the silence engulfing you as it happens, and there's just a small struggle, for you know what you want. You want it so badly you can taste it. That's why you were researching about Autolysis. Its the curiosity for me, you even want to know what happens after its done. Such a control freak. 

I'm holding my breath, I'm frozen in time. I'm a statue. Living for stolen moments in hotel lobbies and locked closets. I keep telling myself that they all add up to something, but they don't. No matter how much I want them to. These stolen moments amount to nothing, and now I know.

Where are you now, thinking about the past, as am I. You say you'll miss me, but you never showed me while I was with you. ALL IS A PROFANITY OF VANITIES. Lust and sex, Yves St. Laurent and Chanel. The Porsche Cayenne you wanted and the Bugatti you see on tv. Big ass small ass, doesn't matter. A crocked smile, and that babe that has perfect dentation. All vanities.

Curious of what you'll say, dressed up in black, as you shed those croc tears and pretend that you're hurt. As the congregation looks at you, and in their hearts proclaiming what a coward I am (was) You will look in Asari's direction and say, "how I loved you so" And Asari won't say a word back. Everything shall be carried by the wind. 

Ever since I was a child, I wanted to fly. To feel the wind on my skin, and the adrenaline kick in, but I never fell. To soar so high, to a place so high, such that the weed I was promised next week couldn't get  me to. I might definitely get my chance. Only for a few seconds though. 

Love did exist. This goes to show you how mundane and asinine we all are. And yes, myself included. We fell into that delusion, got played by all the confusion, all to lead us here. Damn, is this truly the end for us Asari? 

Light as a feather, Stiff as a board. Light as a feather, Stiff as a board. Light as a feather, Stiff as a board. The liminal space between life and Forever.... Asari calls for silence. He also lights a red candle. He has collected so many Rues for us. For all the regrets. The Daffodils were a pleasant surprise. He begins one kind of ritual chant, calls and I respond. His voice is shaky, he is nervous, but his face shows determination. "He's Looking pale" he's looking pale. "He's looking worse" he's looking worse. "He's dying" he's dying. "Forever" forever. Light as a feather, Stiff as a board.